Written 8/30/17: Posted 5/29/18
You know, lately I’ve been feeling all sorts of feelings. The term emotional rollercoaster is tossed around a lot, but I understand it’s because that is the best way of describing it. I wish there was another way. And I’m sure there is. But for now, I’m going with it.
I’m going to blame everything on the solar eclipse that happened last week. Because, let’s be honest, it’s all its fault. That‘s the only thing it could be, right?
So, as you may know, I am a songwriter. I’m a person who paints sound on silence. How cool is that? It is by far one of the things I love doing the most and feel so grateful to be able to do it. Not as a living but period. That I can create something out of thin air. This morning the song wasn’t there and now it is.
I imagine it’s how most artists feel. Writers, Poets, Artists, Filmmakers. Etc. It’s the act of creation that I love so much. It feels like magic.
It’s a funny thing this life. Because I love to write songs so much and because I want for it to be how I make my living, I feel that it must define me. And actually that’s not my fault. That’s the fault of society that somewhere along the way decided that humans are defined by what they do. NOT who they are.
I’m sure it started back in the first civilization when you would say, “ Go see Paul, the mason, or Fred the electrician” or whoever. And I’m sure it was only the men who had jobs but that’s a topic for a later discussion.
And so, it was out of necessity. “Fred, the electrician” was his title. It was a way to ask about him and to locate him.
But now, what does it do? It confines us. It makes us think that what we do is who we are. It makes us forget that we are so much more than what we do. There’s a whole world inside us that wants to be expressed. There’s a lot more we are meant to share with each other.
Stick with me here. I’m getting to the point.
And so because I’m a part of society, I too have fallen into that trap. Of defining myself as a songwriter, or an author, or even by trying to define myself as any one thing. The truth is I am many things! And so are you.
I have told myself that the only thing I can talk about is songwriting. The only thing I can share are tips about songwriting. Or about music. I have told myself that it will be too confusing if I talk about anything else.
But like, let me break it down for you. And for myself really. Being human is f#@king complex! It’s beautiful, and sometimes painful, and miraculous, and hard, and there’s so many other things. But I would never say it’s any one thing.
Why then, are we expected to be so one dimentional?
I’m sorry if talking about life, nutrition, working out, sleep, and sex is confusing when it comes from a songwriter. But I’m not really sorry. These are all parts of who I am. Parts of all of us. It has nothing to do with what I do or don’t do for a living.
I started this piece because I was telling myself I need to write a blog about a song. About music. But even just saying that “I have to” didn’t feel good. I thought to myself, “what do I actually want to write about?”
The answer is I want to write about this. I want to write about whatever I want to write about. I love writing about songs too. But to write because I have to? Well, I have mixed feelings about it.
I will write because I want to. Sometimes I do want to write about music. But sometimes, those other parts of me want to be expressed. Sometimes I want to talk about life, and how insane it is. And how lucky I feel. And guilty too. And how now is the time that we need to do the things we want to do.
How we need to rise up. Heed the call of our soul. How we need leaders of love now.
Marianne Williamson talks about something in her talks a lot. She says (and I’m paraphrasing) that,
“it’s not that there is more hate in the world than love. It’s that the people who hate, hate with conviction, and the people who love, do not”.
So good, right? It hit me really deep. Guys, this is not a rehearsal. This is it. And so that is why I’m writing this instead of about a song. It’s why I’m taking 6 weeks to go travel and figure some shit out. It’s why I truly believe we need to be leaders of love.
I feel like I keep waiting for other people to do it. Is that you too? Like you’re looking around to see who steps up first? And there have been quite a lot of people who have stepped up. But we need you. And we need me. The people who feel called to step up, need to step up. Get out of our own way, and rise.
Do I know what that looks like? Not entirely. But I have an idea of what it feels like. It feels like this. Writing this post. Doing the things I feel called to do and not caring what anyone thinks. Not worrying about what Sally May thinks about me, a songwriter, posting about my beliefs and my musing about life.
One of the reasons I believe I do what I do, write songs, is so that I can paint silence with songs about this as well. And I’m sure I will. But for now, writing this is what I feel called to do. Inspiring you to take a look at who you are instead of defining yourself by what you do.
And more honestly, to tell myself the same thing. To get out of my way and trust. To get out of my way and let go. That’s it. That’s all we have to do.
I’ll end with another quote from Marianne Williamson, She says "it’s not difficult, it’s just different”.
POSTSCRIPT: I wrote this piece on August 30, of 2017. About 9 months ago. I never posted it because it felt too vulnerable. In re-reading it, I realized that not posting it is in fact, super ironic. It is dismissing the very thing it addresses. Being scared of what Sally May thinks. And so, 9 months later, I am hitting post. I guess it’s like birthing a blog post baby. Please let me know if it resonates with you and any shares or a-ha’s you had. It all happens in the shares. #sharingiscaring