Week Eighteen-Shit got real
No that is not the title of my new song (although you never know-it might just be the next one). It is what happened this week. "Shit Got Real". I was at home for Thanksgiving and was having a rough week emotionally to be quite honest and I don't have a new song for you this week. I didn't do what I've been saying to do, which is "just write". I didn't have it in me. I felt myself procrastinating and I couldn't resist it anymore. I gave in.
Even as I say it, I feel heavy hearted. Like I'm letting you down. But really it's me I'm letting down. It's a funny thing about this project. I mean ultimately I'm doing it for myself so I shouldn't even care, but as we all know, we can be the hardest on ourselves.
I started asking myself why I'm doing this project. I started wondering who it is that I'm answering to. The answer of course is me. I'm doing this for me. Like my best friend pointed out to me "I don't need 52 new songs". I wanted to challenge myself. To feel these ups and downs. To have a focus. To practice my craft. To be a better songwriter.
Maybe a big lesson I need to learn from doing this project is to be less hard on myself. That it's OK to not have a new song one week. That the world won't end because I only write 51 songs. Because it doesn't feel OK but it's the decision I made and it's too late to go back. That it's a bumpy road and sometimes I'm going to fall off.
I'm tempted to declare "I will add one song on to the end of the project" but I can't say that yet. Sometimes when you're in the midst of creating you can't see what it is you're actually making. I'm still figuring it out, trying to find my comfort zone, push myself out of it, and also be gentle with myself. It's a delicate balance.
So I do have an old song that I wanted to share with you that nobody has heard. I recorded it quite a few years back but it never made it on to my EP "The Difference". It's a little ditty called "Over You".
Have you ever felt like you are following rules that you made up and you're not sure why?Have you ever felt like you let yourself down? I'd love to hear from you.
I hope you had a great Thanksgiving;)
All my love,
I also recorded a video for Week Fifteen's song "Living in A Dream" So I'm giving you a two-fer this week. You can watch the video right here and tell me what you think;)